Author: Helen T
When I first sought help from a counsellor, back in the early 2000s, I remember feeling daunted, afraid and desperate. It felt like a last resort. I had tried everything I could think of to try to get my life back on track and feel like my normal self again, but nothing had worked.
For me, this had mainly involved trying to squash everything down inside and numb myself out. But numbing the bad stuff eventually seemed to numb the good stuff too. Months (years, if I’m honest) went by and I still felt terrible. Worse maybe.
Part of me knew that I needed help. But another part was whispering in my ear that I should be able to sort myself out. That I was weak. That other people coped with much worse things. That I didn’t deserve to spend money on myself. “Pull yourself together” was one of my family’s favourite mantras – but despite pulling as hard as I could, I realised that I was only succeeding in pulling myself apart rather than back together.
I was also scared because I had no idea about what counselling would actually involve – I only had unsettling impressions based what I’d seen in TV comedy sketches involving people lying on couches talking about their embarrassing dreams to stony-faced, silent psychiatrists. At that time, I don’t think I personally knew anyone who openly said that they had sought help with their mental health. It seemed like it was something that other people did – not me.
But my feelings of hopelessness and isolation continued to be overwhelming and I reached the point at which I was prepared to try anything. After searching around on a rather rudimentary turn-of-the-millennium internet, I found someone who I thought might possibly be able to help me. With a trembling hand, and a wobbly voice, I made the phone call.
And I am so very glad that I did. The kind, wise, empathetic, sensitive and gently challenging approach of my counsellor allowed me to slowly defrost my numbed feelings, turn towards my bad memories and difficulties, gradually acknowledge them and make space for them, and then develop the strength and resilience to be able to get on with my life. It was hard work but I emerged with far deeper self-knowledge and better ways of managing my memories, thoughts and feelings. And in fact, I felt so grateful to have been able to talk to a counsellor, and it made such a positive difference to my life, that much later on, I decided to train as a counsellor myself, so I could play a small part in being able to give other people the same opportunity.
Looking back, I feel sorry for my younger self that I waited for so long to get help. That I didn’t realise back then that as human beings, we are hard-wired for connection and that we best soothe and heal ourselves in connection with other people – even if, like me, we don’t always realise it!
Maybe you feel a bit like I once did – that counselling is for other people and that you just have to struggle on alone, managing the best you can? If so, then I would love it if reading this blog had encouraged you, even the tiniest little bit, to send the email or make the call – and take the first step towards getting the help you deserve.
Counselling myth-busting….
Q: Will I have to lie on a couch?
A: No. Almost all modern-day counselling takes place in small, private rooms, with you and your counsellor facing each other in comfortable armchairs.
Q: Will there be long, uncomfortable silences?
A: Sometimes silence in a counselling session can allow an opportunity for useful reflection. But good counsellors would not allow a silence to become oppressive or uncomfortable.
Q: I’ve heard that I will have to do homework between sessions, but I have no time
A: Some kinds of counselling (like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)) are more dependent than others on clients practising new skills in the space between sessions. But you and your counsellor can have an open and collaborative discussion about this before you begin therapy, to figure out what works best for you.
Q: Do I have to commit to a certain number of sessions?
A: No – at Westmeria at least, you are free to end your counselling whenever feels right for you. If you can, it’s generally regarded as a good idea for you and your counsellor to have an agreed final session, just to round things off.
Q: Will my counsellor be shocked by the things I need to say, or will they judge me?
A: Counsellors will not judge you, and they are experienced in hearing their clients talk about the whole breadth of human experience, in all its complexity.