Modern life can leave us feeling emotionally, physically and mentally overwhelmed. Through necessity, we learn to skilfully juggle our careers and family life whilst struggling to find a balance between the two. By and large, this was me, some twenty-five years ago, as I recall, feeling like a hamster on a wheel. Like many of us, I fell into the trap, that is, the myth that we can have it all. I saw happiness as having a good job, the classic 2.4 children, a nice house with a car parked on the drive, with a couple of holidays a year thrown in, and more. However, the raised dopamine levels you feel when you buy something you really want soon drops leaving you to crave the next purchase. I was beginning to see that the fantasy I had created did not quite live up to my reality. I began to realise that the happiness I craved was not so much happiness, but more approval, in order to hide the fear of inadequacy and how I was perceived by others.
In today’s society, pressures are made worse by social media platforms that portray success as easy and flawless. They would try to convince us that achievements equal a successful identity. Is it any surprise that so many of us are prescribed antidepressants to ease the discomfort of stress, anxiety, depression and burnout? So much of our time and energy is absorbed by getting caught up on our own daily treadmill that we never actually reach our full potential. We lose our authentic self, becoming slaves to our inauthenticity by developing protective coping mechanisms to survive, to feel safe, to manage stress and to cope with challenging situations. Some of us will have unconsciously developed our inauthentic selves from childhood, because of trauma, shame and rejection, but no matter where it comes from, if we desire to, we can find our own answers.
Some of us will look for the answers outside of ourselves, needing external validation, relying on others’ opinions and choices, as I did. We ignore our own internal compass, which keeps us stuck in comfortable and familiar patterns. We people-please, saying ‘yes,’ when what we actually really want to say is ‘no.’ We live our lives doing instead of actually being.
If you have reached a place where you begin to question, who am I, what is my purpose in life, then you have taken your first step to finding your true potential and authentic self.
Counselling provides the opportunity and the space for you to explore, make sense of and give clarity to many unanswered questions. It gives you the opportunity to heal from past wounds and to reinvent yourself. You will learn the underlying reasons for your feelings, thoughts and behaviours in a safe and confidential space. Counselling may take you back to childhood, where all of our stories begin. Counselling is a space where you can self-reflect and gain new insights, learn new techniques and accept the things that are not in your control. Counselling is also about enhancing coping skills, setting boundaries and goals, and learning to have self-compassion.
The benefits of counselling can be life-changing and can include: a sense of feeling lighter, an improvement in mental health and wellbeing, a deeper connection with others, increased self-awareness and better communication.
In summary, I would like to leave you with two quotes from an American Philosopher and Poet – Ralf Waldo Emmerson:
“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
– By Cleo O