The Quiet Stuff Men Don’t Talk About (But Should)
I’ve been thinking lately about how men deal with their mental health. It’s not the easiest thing to talk about. Most of us grew up hearing things like ‘man up’ or ‘you’ll be okay,’ and that sort of message stays with us. So even when life gets difficult, we tend to keep our heads down and carry on. The problem is that doesn’t really work for long. It all just builds quietly in the background.
There may not be a single answer, or a checklist that suddenly makes everything okay. However, there are small things that can help when things feel a bit much.
Sometimes we won’t say we’re struggling, but you’ll notice it – we might go quiet, cancel plans, seem a bit on edge or start drinking more. Don’t ignore it – a simple “How are you doing?” or “Would you like to go for a coffee?” can really matter to someone you know – it’s about being there for them.
If you’re having a difficult time, you don’t need to describe everything – you might just say something like, “I’ve had a bit of a rubbish week, to be honest.” It might not sound like much, but being honest like that takes a lot of strength.
If you’re the one listening, you don’t need to try to fix things or come up with the perfect thing to say – just listen. A quiet nod or a few words that show you understand can go a long way.
Notice the little habits
When stress builds up, it’s easy to turn to the habits that help in the short term – an extra drink, another late night, hours of scrolling, or taking it out on the people around you. Most of us do it, and it’s helpful to notice when those things start adding up.
Sometimes swapping one of them for something that clears your head – a walk, a bit of music, cooking, fixing something, or just chatting to someone – makes more difference than you’d think. These small, simple things often help the most.
That old idea that being strong means keeping everything in… it’s exhausting, isn’t it? Real strength, to me, looks more like saying, “I’m not okay at the moment, but I’m trying to manage it.”
That kind of honesty is brave, and every time someone does it, it makes it a little easier for the next person to do the same.
Finding help that fits
We all have different needs and what helps one person might not work with another. It might mean talking to a friend, your GP, joining something like Andy’s Man Club or chatting to someone who won’t judge you. Whatever feels right for you is a good place to start. These links might also be helpful for advice or finding someone to talk to:
- CALM– 0800 58 58 58 – net
- Mind– org.uk/information-support/local-minds/
- Andy’s Man Club– co.uk
If you know someone who might need these, please send them the links.
Keep turning up
Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone is just to be there for them. Keep inviting them out, even if they keep saying no. Send them a message now and then to remind them they matter.
It sounds simple, but it really can make the difference between someone coping and someone slipping further away.
‘Being a man’ is not about being strong – it’s about being real. Life’s tough sometimes and talking about it makes you human. Maybe next time someone asks, “How are you?” try answering properly. If you notice someone struggling, try reaching out to them – one small chat can honestly make more difference than you might think.
If you live in or near the south-east London area and think it might help to talk, our counsellors offer a safe, down-to-earth space to explore what’s going on.
Author: John A.