For every loved one lost, there is sadly, usually a day which would represent the value of that person in your own or others’ lives such as Father’s Day (for people like myself) or a more generalized day in the year such as Christmas Day; but no matter the name, it still has the same effect on people no matter the name.
I lost my father at the age of 20, being nearly 5 years ago and as I am sure people who have experienced anything close to the same know that the pain never goes but just eases. I had a wonderful demonstration portrayed to me by someone who volunteers at St. Christopher’s Hospice and is a classmate of mine, it was a simple concept with a ball and 3 jars one small, medium, and large. The ball represents the bereavement itself with its existence of the physical and mental aspects that can affect your life, and the jars are the capacity in which this ball and emotions can be held. As time goes on, the jar will grow into the different sizes and the ball will have more space to move in, more capacity and so therefore it is easier to manage but it is still there and that is okay.
I think I find the term ‘dance’ is a good way to describe it because it is either you take the lead of it, so you take the lead on the day(s) and how you want it to go or you follow the lead of the day(s) but you go along with what it brings; the most important part of these ‘dances’ is that you can have whatever emotions and feelings you want with it. This is the most important part of it because either way, all that matters, is that you finish it the way you want to and if one year on a milestone day you feel good, happy, and jovial, this is perfectly fine to feel. If another year you really feel down and upset, this is also perfectly fine, but it is whatever is best for you and how you want to do it depending on what part of the dance you are on.
I have found there are two key points which resonate with me well and hopefully the same for you reading this:
- It is more than fine to feel better and progress within your life but there will be some days where it will feel worse and that does not take away from your progress of healing at all; steps forward always not steps back.
- Whatever way works for you to cope on these days is what you do, there is no such thing as right or wrong
