Back in the day, I worked in a retail shop full-time while studying for an MSc part-time. Suffice to say, I had no life and zero time to relax. It was a very intense period of my life, and after I finished my course, I would catch myself almost panicking: ‘Hey, you’re not being productive; surely you have something to do!’ And off I would go to do something.
Working in HR within rapidly scaling companies reinforced this mindset. The ability to react swiftly and juggle multiple responsibilities became second nature. In such fast-paced environments, slowing down was never an option. The idea of doing nothing felt foreign, even uncomfortable. When a rare quiet moment arose, I instinctively sought another task to fill the void.
How does it relate to counselling? In my opinion, most counsellors have a service-oriented personality; our fulfilment comes from supporting clients, and that’s what gives us satisfaction. In a way, our work can be described as “emotional labour,” which involves navigating complex emotions while maintaining a neutral, supportive stance.
As sociologist Arlie Hochschild explains, emotional labour requires us to “induce or suppress feeling in order to sustain the outward countenance that produces the proper state of mind in others. “The reality is that sometimes, we need to suppress, park, temporarily disregard our feelings and emotions, and focus entirely on our clients’ needs. There is a cost to this self-regulation, both mental and physical. Sometimes, we must put on our brave, neutral, listening hat, although we may be boiling inside for any number of reasons. While this is integral to our profession, it can lead to emotional exhaustion, making it even harder to embrace stillness and self-reflection. We can become unbalanced.
The true value of doing nothing lies in restoring balance. This does not mean mindlessly scrolling social media or binge-watching Netflix but rather allowing our minds to wander and reconnecting with our own emotions, motivations, and sense of purpose. In the fast-paced professional life, it is easy to lose sight of why we do what we do.
Professor Emmy van Deurzen’s “Four Worlds Model” provides an insightful framework for understanding balance. She suggests that human existence spans four interconnected dimensions—physical, social, personal, and spiritual. When we become too absorbed in one area at the expense of others, we risk feeling unbalanced without even realising it.
In a society obsessed with productivity, busyness is often mistaken for success and doing nothing is viewed as negative and often triggers action. Sometimes we act like chasing our authentic inner self is somehow selfish. We do not let ourselves just be and feel, think, and focus. Many professionals feel guilty for taking breaks, fearing they might feel unproductive. But in fields like counselling, true insight often emerges in moments of stillness. Some of our best reflections and ideas come not from structured work but from quiet moments – having a coffee, taking a walk, or simply sitting in silence.
There is a value in stopping and thinking. Allowing space for doing nothing enhances self-awareness and fosters a deeper understanding of self, others and the world. It invites us to reflect on critical questions, such as: Do I belong in X? How does it influence me? Why are certain emotions evoked when I think of something or someone? What can I do to enhance my dimensions of existence? etc. Although these reflections can be uncomfortable, especially at first, they are essential for personal and professional growth.
By embracing the value of doing nothing, we become more attuned to our own emotional needs. In turn, this empowers us to be fully present for our clients, offering them the same permission to pause, reflect, and reconnect with themselves. When we nurture our own well-being, we enhance our capacity to support others effectively.
Incorporating intentional stillness into our lives isn’t just beneficial – it’s essential. With a bit of space to do nothing, we can all enhance our dimensions of existence and feel whole. I have definitely felt it has benefitted me, and I think it will help us to help our clients in the best way possible.
